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You can, like, download the pattern, butt monkey.
Without further delay – your 2014 Steotch Fine Needleart Official Holiday Ornaments have arrived:
… and from our brand to yours, most sincere non-marketingy wishes for a happy holiday.
(Please buy stuff.)
The gods have been good to me, and I am thankful. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here’s the deal; you freeze everything as it is and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is okay, please give me absolutely no sign.
Okay, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign.
Thy will be done.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico.