Dear Lord,

The gods have been good to me, and I am thankful. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here’s the deal; you freeze everything as it is and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is okay, please give me absolutely no sign.

Okay, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign.

Thy will be done.



Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico.

Original piece available on Etsy   Sold



Steotchalong 2 ~ Results!

Steotchalong 2014 is in the books – an enormous, heartfelt thank you to everyone who participated, and kept up the chatter on the forums, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.  We hope you all enjoyed yourselves as much as we enjoyed presiding – and look forward to more stupid events in the future.

Now, check out these samplers!


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Steotchalong 2014: Pattern 8 – Choose Your Own Adventure

Steotchalong Snoop

This is the discussion forum for Pattern 8 – stop by and discuss your options, and share your progress as you finish this sucker.

We’ll be posting again this week soliciting photos of your finished work.

If you haven’t already done so, you might consider tossing a coin in the tip jar, or visiting our Etsy shop for more fun.

five  ten  fifteen  twenty

(Paypal link will open in a new tab.) You may download Pattern 8 below.

and THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for steotching along…

Steotchalong 2014 – Pattern 8  (PDF – 15 Pages)   Links to patterns removed!  Sorry beotch.

#Steotchalong 2014: Final In-Progress Round-Up

The ironic cross stitching world waits with bated breath for tomorrow’s final pattern.

Let’s check in with our little beotches on Twitter and Instagram to see who’s ready…

Sleep well, kiddies.

Tomorrow, we sew in hell.


Pattern 7 Eve: Where Things Stand

The white is o’er, the battle done.

Here’s some white white WIPS as we head into the final two stages of #Steotchalong 2014.


And then there’s the smug few who picked a darker aida, and have been laughing their asses of this whole time…

And then there’s just plain overconfidence…

See you tomorrow, little beotches.

Home stretch!

Steotch Watch: Patterns 2 from around the web

You guys are, like, the Michael Jordan of guessing wrong.  Pattern 3 will probably clear some things up.


Pattern 3 coming your way tomorrow…

A Quick Note Before We Begin

It’s Steotchalong Eve Eve.YALL

In the last few days, we’ve received notes from stitchers around the world preparing their stashes for what’s to come (such pressure, very anxiety). And, by the way, if you haven’t added your name to the roll call you should get on that.

Some of you are already asking for hints, which is cute. We won’t get into the business of acknowledging your guesses until we’re well into this thing and everyone’s pretty much figured out what you’re stitching (and by the way – you’ll all THINK you’ve got it totally figured out pretty quickly, but don’t be so sure until the last day).

You’re going to have to trust us on this one.

But allow us to say one thing quickly about the content of this piece. Some of you have made comments to the effect of how you just found Steotch because of the stitch-along. That’s great! Welcome! If you’re new here, PLEASE take a moment to familiarize yourself with our portfolio – while we won’t say what this pattern will be, you can safely assume it will be in the spirit of the rest of our, uh, oeuvre. It might contain themes that are more mature or snarky than you might expect from cross stitch. It also might just be a really stupid joke. It might be both.

Guys, let’s just be safe and assume it’s both.

We’ll post an official discussion thread (ha!) for each pattern, so you can tawk amongst yourselves while you get your spinster on.

Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any miscounted stitches will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official record. Followed by death.

Two days…

Welcome to #Steotchalong 2: The Resteotchalongening

It is time.s2

Welcome to the internet’s biggest cross-stitch-along event (I guess?).  The #Steotchalong is a simple concept: we will post a series of 8 cross stitch patterns – each one will reveal a little bit more of the final pattern.  You won’t know what you’re stitching until you’ve devoted too much time to stop.  We’ve set up a forum where you can share your guesses as to the final content, ask questions, show off your work, trash talk, disclose state secrets, or whatever.

Last year we had a healthy discussion going on our Facebook page, and that’s cool too.  A big reason we do this is to help build up the community of internet cross-stitchers, so we hope you’ll dive in and engage.

Things to know:

  • Last year, some people mentioned that they had begun the stitchalong but wimped out once we got into the more difficult parts of the rather complicated face that was the center of that pattern.  Okay, they didn’t say they wimped out, but that’s what happened.  Other people just fell way behind.  This year’s pattern has been designed to be more fast and beginner-friendly.  For advanced stitchers, there’s enough design here to keep it interesting and fun – but noobz will still be able to (easily, we think) stitch along and keep pace.
  • Like last year, there will be a “Choose Your Own Adventure” element to the final design.  You can personalize the final piece in a number of ways.
  • The pattern contains cross stitches, backstitches, and optional french knots (depending on which design direction you choose to stitch).
  • While each pattern release will present the new stitches in color, you’ll also be able to see the stitches you’ve already completed, lightly shaded in grey, to help you distinguish old from new.  Trust us, it will be super easy to follow.
  • Patterns will be posted in PDF format, so you can print or work off screen.


Embroidery thread (DMC Floss):

  • 310 (black)
  • 702 (green)
  • 726 (yellow)
  • 817 (red)
  • 826 (blue)
  • white

16-Count Aida Fabric (if you want the finished piece to fit in a 5×7 frame):

  • Use any color of fabric for your piece, but we recommend something other than plain white, to make it easier to follow your white stitches. We stitched on “Antique White,” an off-white color; consult your thread list and feel free to select any fabric color that compliments the palette.


New patterns will be released every 5 days

  • Pattern 1:  June 15
  • Pattern 2:  June 20
  • Pattern 3:  June 25
  • Pattern 4:  June 30
  • Pattern 5:  July 5
  • Pattern 6:  July 10
  • Pattern 7:  July 15
  • Pattern 8:  July 20


Once again we will run on a “Pay What You Want” model.  We know you all want to pay us tons of money – but not everyone can.  We hope those who can contribute something to the cause will do so.  This is really more about building community and having fun.

We’ll see you back here on the 15th.